The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
honey bunches of taint.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
