I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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