yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
