i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
do nipples grow back?
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