That's when you crack a 10am beer
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize