my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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