Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
be right there i have to get my cape
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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