As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
