used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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