You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Still dying that you shit outside
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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