There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
