i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
