I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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