If that was your dad, he is hot
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
