i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
