Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize