Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
