I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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