Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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