she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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