i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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