who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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