Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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