so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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