I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
