Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
