He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
