windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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