Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
