how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Randomize
