Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
