I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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