at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
