his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
