dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i love accidental penises.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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