Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
