I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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