yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
