i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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