So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
