A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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