At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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