Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't turn off my feet"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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