i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
