Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
