Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
