College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The best revenge is premature balding
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
