friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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