he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
