he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
