Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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