i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
