bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
