There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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