I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
