i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
