My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize