Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
