she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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