I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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