WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
