apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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