i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
