I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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