we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I love you. Go after that dick
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
