After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
