I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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