she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
