me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
