mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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