yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
